Life and its Biiiig purpose

Hey!

I know its been ages since the last time I wrote. To be pretty straight forward, I couldn't help it, God moved my heart to. Was about to delay till tomorrow though, but, what can I do? =D

God revealed quiet strongly today of 2 MAIN things in our life.

1. Christianity=Persecutions?

Huumm, this is a pretty though thing ay? every Christians must have had this. Let me tell you my story.

I met someone new, who, strangely, we get on in a conversation, moving smoothly from one topic to another. Her quote, "My mom's a Christian, so she is pretty strict with stuff, things like drinking, piercing and tatooing..." more I can quote, but better not for her privacy sake.

I was about to say, I'm a Christian too, but.... I have different kind of views from her, u know...

Anyway, I didn't..

WHY??

Simple. I haven't got the courage. It took too long to assemble all the courage that I have before she moved on to another topic.

I was recollecting our whole conversation when I was cleaning Mrs.T's upstairs bathroom, I thought...
"You know what? I should have had said proudly. loudly, confidently: I AM A CHRISTIAN.. AND I DO HAVE A DIFFERENT VALUES AND VIEWS FROM YOUR MUM... THE VALUES THAT ARE HIGHLIGHTS FOR ME ARE LOVING OTHERS UNCONDITIONALLY, HELPING WHOEVER IN NEED, ENCOURAGING AND SHARING HOPES WITH EVERYBODY THAT I MET.
and simply, she would have seen it IN ME, again, I AM NOT AFRAID, because I have done my best to give a good example as a Christian and keeping this heart PURE, so WHY NOT LET IT SHINE???
Even when I shared the reason why I don't go to parties and make that fake IDs, she said "there is NOBODY here in NZ at your age would be able to think that way and have never gone to a party before." Unfortunately, she grasped it as it was a cultural difference. Anyway, where do I learnt to refrain myself from my OWN BIG LUSTS?? DON'T YOU THINK I'M GONNA LIKE PARTIES IF I'VE BEEN TO ONCE?? I WILL! THAT'S WHY I WON'T START! AND.. IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF GOD...
WHY AM I NOT PROUD OF THE GOD WITH SUCH CHARACTER??? A CHARACTER THAT BRINGS LIFE??

"WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOUR GRACE??" -Israel.. I mean, really? I might not be virgin still today. I might have been a heavy drug addict. I used to have a naughty and rebellious nature truly speaking.

2 things I'm emphasizing:
a. WATCH CAREFULLY the purity of our hearts, for, from there shows the issues of life, something to be PROUD of or ASHAMED of? especially with our ID in Christ! so we can...
b. BE PROUD OF, SHOW OFF WHO OUR GOD IS!!.. and ultimately to be able to share that gift of salvation that has made us who we are now to others in despair...

LET'S START FROM NOW!!

2. That, lead God to ask me this question: iiif..... every single person in this universe, unexceptionally, are saved, and are committed to Me, what then is your GOAL?????

Honestly, I was confused and doubtful for a while trying hard to think of the answer. That is strange, isn't? I didn't realize the ultimate and MAIN GOAL of my life? HAA!

Then, I think.. obviously, we want to build a strong community within each other to grow in You and together make You happy..
but... that's not all! Problem: How are we going to make You happy if there is NO PEOPLE we can bring to You anymore??? EVERYBODY'S SAVED! Of course we will worship you all the time then... but.. IS IT ENOUGH FOR YOU LORD???
HAAA!!!

God reminded me of the Gospel Moses. D. I, BEn. shared: "Our ultimate goal isn't merely the losts, you know, it is YOU (us) that the Lord wants THE MOST! WOW WOW WOW.

Life changing for me to realize to LIVE A SPOTLESS LIFE in the eyes of the Lord, committing my self to each and every thing He desires from me, no matter WHAT it is.. my sleeping in(s), my future, my family, my possessions, my cravings, and so much more, mostly things that I want MORE and MORE in life that I might one day WANT IT MORE than God Himself, EVERY BITS of selfishness in me that create 'lumps and bumps' of what God wants to do in my life, the lifestyle and character He wants to teach and me to have in my daily life. My thankfulness to Him in hard as times is what He desires than just shouts of asking help.

Yes, 'lost sheeps' make God and the entire heaven cheer of joy. But Ultimately, WHAT GOD REALLY WANTS IS A RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERY BEING THAT HE HAD FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE WITH 1000% LOVE. IT'S YOU.. AND EVERYBODY AROUND YOU.

Let's come to him, surrender and we shall see His faithfulness of His promises.



Blessed day everyone! Ciao!

" .. and so my biggest sin(S) had been wiped with the biggest sacrifice a
person could ever done, in fact, done with A MAN with the higest rank of all
prince-s, and the biggest thing I could ever pay back is by layin' down my
biggest love for myself to award HIM the first place in my heart... "

life is uncertain,but that what makes the variety..

people aren't weird, they are unique..

we know so little when we think we know everything

one great thing of God is that He sees beyond what the naked eyes possibly see.

so today, I wanna ask His grace so that I will see things through His eyes...

so that my own eyes are cleaned,

when I give up the rights that were, are and always His.

artworks.

Hi !



from time to time, ive been posting long long words... now..



im thinking to put sth interesting..



my own artwork for my design paper in foundie!!!



I only have one to show you right now, mybe i can put some more later,,



FYI, to share my happiness w/ u, this one together with another poster, yes it is a poster,,,



I got an A+ for both!



Glory to God!!!


here you gooo...






oh yeah, the meaning behind this artwork ???



take a look at it for a while....



pretty obvious ay?



yeah. i made it for direct message as it is a poster for planetshakers,, haha

just joking, just pretending...



we should appriciate Christ's crucifaction, should't we?





WHOOPS!!! : if u can spot, there are some spelling mistkaes at the small detail.. that's cuz I made it late night and dont really take care of the spelling, cuz I thought people won't see those texts,,

but its actually pretty meaningful n important ay?



haha, sorry.. my bad..



thank you!!

HOLY NIGHTMARE

let us delay the continuation of the camp story.

it was two days ago when I had a nightmare.

it is not the nightmare people think of, but the scene I "experience" in my dream is just .. I just wont let it happen to me..

i cant fully remember what i saw.. but it was like me with a "christian community". i know someone quiet well in this community and for a while had adored this person's personality, a man. But its not all about havin a crush on him. a bit, but not much to bother, seriously, just a bit.
not thinking of him at all for all of my days, not even the day i got that nightmare.

okay what was the dream about is from what i remembered, i got together with him .. see? what the?? and even in my dream, i knew i havent know him much, but just felt like getting together.. iknow, wierd dream.. and the worst part is, because we dont know each other so well, we just try to get closer to each other and suddenly, we are really close physically, sayin romantic stuff to each other,, AND ENJOYIN OUR TIME BEING AT THAT POSITION!!! even it was just a dream, i clearly can feel the joy feeling when u're in love, like amore stuff.

then... I dont remember why, I had to give him up... and was challenged, if You wanna keep ur commitment to God, if you have faith, GIVE HIM UP...

you know, in my life i have had experienced surrendering things to God, lots of struggle, but I had always considered my love to God and set my priority upon it, even i felt so baaad givin up things. and i have never worried if i had to surrender that 'amore' sort of stuff, because i know, i dont want these things to hurdle my journey in God.

but dont know why just at that moment i felt sooooooooooo baaaaaaad givin him up, i cant make my mind and just felt so lost...

then.. not long, I woke up...... terribly shocked and shout to myself GOSH!!!!! THIS CANT HAPPEN TO ME. ITS.. DISGUSTING...

i just cant believe that that nightmare scene had ever come to my dream. i cant stop thinking, WHY HAD GOD LET THAT HAPPEN?? didnt he know, im trying my best on my journey not to get stucked into amore until He really wanted me to marry or sth? or even if He has never wanted me to, thats perfectly fine? just cant accept that disgusting think come to my dream!!! i always struggle to get rid of that sort of dirty stuff out of my mind when ever they start strucking into. buuut.. why?

okay, then in the midst of mixed feeling.. He spoke.. "can u remember "that couple"?" (referring to a love bird in the community) God continued speaking.. " you know now how it feels to be in love, hard right to give up?"

for some sec I just considered His voice and think of what it means and I thought, yes Lord, I know its hard to give up when we fall into amore, and thats why i never want to fall there.

He spoke again.. "they need you..."

considering what He said I just realise my job to tell people about the standards of "holyness" that God really wants young ppl to know.

I also remembered my question that I always asked God..
"God, can a youth being in a relationship and is in love, can they still love you as musch as they should have if they are not in love?" (what i mean is not the relationship which you do to prepare for marriage, which you keep distance to each other, but i mean like usual teenager, huging and that sort of stuff) . it is cuz i see several people like that and they are really into God. I always wonder, is that right? is that possible?

then I know now, that it is not possible. especially, if we are not going through the relationship in a 'holy' way, and not preparing for marriage. u better dont.
its good that we have the time and energy and heart to be fully dedicated to God while we are young. right? cuz as we are gettin older n older and more resposibilities we have, our ability to follow God, reduces, even if we really wanted to do so?

SO, LET US YOUNG PEOPLE, DONT WASTE OUR TIME MINDING TO FULFILL OUR CARNAL MIND, GET UP, SERVED THE LORD, WORK TO REACH THE LOST, BE DIFFERENT...

AND WHAT SHOULD AWAITS US ALONG AND AT THE END OF THE JOURNEY : THE BEAUTIFUL FAVOUR OF GOD IS ON US. AND HE WILL DEFINITELY USE OUR LIFE!

with this i realise and renew my commitment to the Lord, to tell young people bout this more passionately.

writing this also renew my courage and commitment for this mission!

i realise this is my job to tell the community about the TRUTH. Thanks God!


BE BLESSED, MOVE FORWARD !

ICF CAMP

sejujurnya hari ini gw gak ada rencana gimana2 bgt buat nulis.. cuma udh lama aja gk nulis.



and as u know, pasti udh bnyk bgt yg udh tjdi slama wkt it.. (sorry, cant keep this "diary" blog uptodate)



yahh diantara banyaaaaaaakk yg gw alemin, satu yg cukup sangat berkesan ..



ICF CAMP 9-11 APRIL 2010.



when i first heard abt this camp, i was not excited abt it, its hard to believe that im gonna enjoy it, because, its 5 months im in ICF, still I cant get along woth the people that well, honestly its quiet disappointing, I just dont fell at home, though im starting to, but still its quiet a strange place for me. Its probably not icf's or the people in there's fault, perhapss.. just not settled in Welly, faraway from home, fam, n the community i had grown up for my whole spiritual journey.



And I guess my character that easily fallen into "that pit of comfort zone",, makes me soopa troopa lazy about makin some effort goin with the people idk quiet well, though i knw it will be part of my spiritual investment. And talking bout that, I realised I was very unconvinced of how the camp gonna at all help me in my journey. Im so sorry, but I did underestimate ICF a lot. (yes, its my fault) I just still cant figure out how a christian community do things that the community im from in indonesia(TOGA) would or wouldnt do, basically, different commitment in God... just didnt realise the range that people may have. I thought, evey "right" community should do it, otherwise they are a misleading community,, yess, again, my bad.



However, after taking lots of space for that, what i wanna say is, despite, beside, of what I have written underestimating ICF, I cant underestimate God AT ALL !!! He is the ultimate Creator, Planner, the One that knows everything, One that wants to, knows how to, and absolutely can change a person. Which whom Im talking about right now is ME.



so, for short, i just went to the camp, without knowing whats gonna be in there, how will it be? wasteful? lame? disappointing? that were all in my mind. Just a few hope inside that this camp can contribute sth to my spiritual journey.



went up to somewhere in palmy, somewhere near foxton n fielding, cant remember the name of that particullar area. Along the way the view was gorgeous, unbelievably beautiful, but yeah, its wellington, so, its not that amazing.



First day in camp were just okay, nothing had stunned me. The day went by and i just went to sleep early for the sake of gettin up early, knowing the next mornin would be my team's turn for breakfast prep, i had to be ready to prepare b.fast at 7.30.



Sleeping was quiet good actually, nothing strange or disturbing with using a sleeping bag.



Dont know why, that morning, it was dawn actually, i woke up all of a sudden. I thought it was like 2am or so, but it was 4am more or less.... Shocked that it was just the perfect time id love to wake up everyday, to have sum quiete time. Was planning to sleep again, though. But a voice moved my heart to stay awake and have a quiet time.



I did my quiet time with bits and pieces now and then of falling asleep. Not long I felt, the Maori Host Family Leader, (uncle Skip) woke up, on the light to a dim brightness and prayed in Maori.

some people did wake up, drousily and some still asleep. After he had finished his prayer he went off until bright morning as I realised. (cuz im constantly fell asleep, haha) a good, 'quiete', intimate and revelating quiete time though, God revealing about servant.



bla bla bla for what i did in the morning. I forget when of the day was it that i asked him, about his restless sleep the night before as I saw him walking to the heatpumps several times before that prayer. I also asked about his habbit of waking up early for prayer as a Maori culture and what he do after, when he was gone. He answered. that he went for his personal prayer and have some quiet time with God and hear a pastor preeching through a radio channel for he likes the pastor teaching being full of revelation.



Im completely impressed... Aren't you? living in this city for the whole ongoing 6 months, goin to different churches, talking to tenths of christians, and since december knowing abt icf and the people, I had never found someone that would have the commitment to wake up early in the morning to have quiete time with God or read the Bible, or at least not early morning, just before doing activities, or at least everyday, no matter when in the day.



And as u know, I started as soon, to get interested with him, and started to open up conversation with him, and pretty much seeing what he is up to, to find spaces of time, which I can asked him more question about God (see?..dont mistake me okay??? haha) and find out what more he has??. Yes thats the pattern i would do if i met someone that i find him/her havin sumthing diffrent or intrestin than other people. (hint: like how I did to get closer to Ka Mega, hehe)



one time, finally caught up with him in a spare time, and private as well, with no one around.. again, dont mistake me!!!! starting a convesation of a fire, continued to bla bla bla, and ended up talking about the movement we have experienced in God. trully, I would say, he IS a different christian from others, im feeling that he has the passion, commitment, thirst of my friends in toga.



don't know how it went there, but the very end part of our conversation was me, emotionally telling him my holy discontentment from what i see in wellington, icf and other christians, i nearly tear! haha. he agreed with what i said, wow, even that is pretty amazing as well, seldom right people that agree with radical standards?? but then he said, he had to go to prepare his preech he gonna speak that night, we went off.



Just dont know why, just that simple sharing, really relieved my heart, as if it was poured with a mini 'first love' from God. Brought me back to one of our goals in christianity: the losts.

God! u're amazing! u changed me in a totally unexpected, yet powerful and unique way to change me....



these are only literally what ive experienced, more blessings i have received at and around the midst of the camp to be continued on next post..



I have to go home now!! its gettin dark and probably cold!



cya cya.

daily alterego...

few days ago, I was in my room, doin something im not sure what, i forget what i did, then I heard my cousin, not the one who i told yesterday, another one, an 11 years old boy, he was saying few sentences, if im not mistaken, a question.. he repeated the question for few times, directing it to my aunt... it was just ordinary, nothing really special in it... in fact, again, if Im not mistaken, it was rather sweet, the question.

but suddenly, my aunt is kinda annoyed of his question..

at that point, I immediately realised that the sweet question was somehow ... how to say it.. not real.. not as what he usually is... i mean, he usually won't asked such question..

I began to realise that perhaps(im usin this word coz i dont wanna judge) he's doin' it to seek atention..


it is not surprising people try to catch attentions... a heap of people like these everywhere..

even I still sometimes do things to seek attention. even worst when i haven't been to meet God(thanks God, Ur love changes me).

but at that point I realises what such "fake" really is.

i said to myself spontaneously, "don't try to show something that u're not. something that is not at all inside you. "

why... ? nothing coz its just FAKE !!!!

hundreds and millons of times we tried to be somebody we are not... don't we realise that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made?" have u ever heard the quote "there's a change that only YOU can make" ?

we are created to be great as we are, in our own way, in the field we are gifted... not to be as great as somebody else.

so, should we decide to change our focus from bothering to be sb great to how we make the most of ourselves? i know its hard.. and lots of time, we tried so hard but falied... but the thing is, as long as we realise that that was all meant to shape a better us... life doesn't always go as smooth, but when we failed, that's when we should realise that something more than the success itself is ahead of us. If life was always a success, we would have learned nothing..

and I remembered the quote I wrote 2/3 years ago, "u are at your best when u are yourselves".. that's perfect! and no matter how hard we try to be someone else, it will never work better than being ourselves.

im not saying that when we discover our weakness, we should just give up, but to correct it without trying to be someone else...

it is also a pity when I heard someone (u can include me) agreeing at sth that we don't actually agreed in order to be accepted .. come on ! stand up for what we believe in! if we dont actually agreed, just said it.. its a cheap friendship if he/she just accept u when u agreed.. if she doesn't agree with u, and outcast u, that's better than to betray and compromise and lie to ourselves..
it's hard, that's why not many people can do this.. only those who want to be strong and EXTRAORDINARY.... that's what I'm learning. not to hold a CHEAP FAITH, but an UNSHAKEN FAITH ...

okay that's what I learned... hope u to be blessed by this post and let us KEEP MOVING FORWARD...

love from,

cinnamon